Everything in Between

Free Will

Luck or unluck

In the game of Life

Risk the Roll of the Dice

To see if this is a Read Only,

a Find Only can be read

or the dreaded

Snake Eyes

Your Roll Says

Lucky

*_Lucky *_Lucky

Luck eye Luck Luck eye Luck

Lucky_* Lucky_*

Lucky

for those that clicked on the image of the red dragon...

um want to stay tan away from that thing...if you know what I mean

My guess is I did about 700 oil paintings in my entire career. 20 were given to family and friends, so over 680 paintings were trashed.

Quantity to find quality was my approach.

I learned how to make decisions with every one of those started, mostly fails, but successes gained as I progressed...unnattached to the material since I kept the lessons of the experiences.

The techniques are what I kept.

Finishing was not the goal, nope, it was improving my judgment by making thousands of decisions, starting from a blank canvas.

More decisions are what improves judgement. Those that don't decide are often ones that like to tell others what to do, since they think that is the way to improve decisions....ummm..just makes you annoying.

My style is first and only attempt, influenced by John Singer Sargent. His art had a freshness of first attempt that I emulated.

I only finished 2 painting in my career, the rest were sketches and studies in oils. I wanted to find my style, not become a known painter.

The tempo I found when creating was: master the moment, focus with speed and effort, outpace doubt and complaints.

I had practical experience of doing my best in the moment, painting directly with full measure of effort.

Learning without validation became a part of my process. I never really showed my work.

Titled, "9 month Progression"" Not sure what you call that, the one where 3 paintings in one, tri somethin'

Those paintings above show how fast I was learning. It was a once in a lifetime opportunity to learn how great painters become great, where I got to share experiences with grandmasters and see how they created.

My peers had elite talent and proved how far one could go with practice. The teachers matched their best by showing what they could do, with technical skills rarely matched.

There was no hiding what could be done at the school. Everyday you had to prove your worth and skill. It was a great environment to see how other styles of art became.

It was a Classical education. The concept of fake it till you make it was non-existent. I had to show my work, with critiques twice a week and I held my own.

I wanted to learn from the best and see how they did it, by asking questions. A lot of them made it pro. I matched my best with their best and ended up never being close to their technical skills. Competition among peers was done with honesty, and humility.

It was an idealistic school of bringing out the best of the students. Some faltered and others rose to the occassion of seeing someone better. I was one that improved quickly because competition was never my thing, just focused on trying my best.

I never forgot what I experienced at PAFA, absorbing the talent of my environment...I didn't slow down until I met the sweet Printmaker, where I learned about relationships, which was another great challenge.

White Sands was my still life period of study in writing. I wanted to translate my painting style to how I write, with deep hues of blues and minimal details...um I worked hard to get my unique signature...wasn't about to start over.

With my experience of overcoming vast quantities of blank canvas, with thousands of drawings under my belt, a blank piece of paper was not that overwhelming.

I just needed to learn a new medium.

Words.

Without any conventional rules followed...um could care less about rules...I just started to write. I avoided all the roadblocks to writing, like say, it has to make sense to the reader...who cares...um that feels like homework. I write for myself.

I needed to get my writing down to be right for me.

When I saw my style appear, I started creating my painting writings, but it took 2 years.

I didn't even read my studies except one story. I just kept ploughing through like a confident writer, who built that confidence up as a painter.

I write in abstract, with minimal detail or structure.

I can't know if I am breaking any rules if I refused to study...which minimized obstacles to the making and doing.

My process is to overcome roadblocks by simplifying, and finding the fastest route to doing. That is where the creation is learned, not theory or concepts, the actual making.

That is where all my focus went towards, practice until it became creating.

With amusement I concede, um I am the idiot writer, who absolutely doesn't care if it is undesrstood, or silly things like description or adjectives.

I even break rules to paragraphs.

A sentence and paragraph are interchangable since it makes it easier to write, and read...bonus.

I write like an idiot because I get bored reading conventional. I don't find my style boring one bit, which is even funnier since I dislike reading...ironic isn't it.

September 2, 2022 was my launch date to my Odyssey of my third act with Art.

I wrote one simple sentence in my notebook, my first success.

"To be the best I can be."

That line is still in use today, my North Star, and the most important story of all my glorious idiotic works.

I followed that up with 892 days of failing, with only 1 success after my first success.

White Sands.

It was the only story I was never tempted to scrap.

I wanted to, believe me, since it is overly sentimental, but every time I went to that story I would just start reading it again and tinkering...couldn't help myself.

The subject was why I kept working on it, a story of faith viewed from a Gentile with zero faith.

The juxtaposition revealed my theme.

Philosophy.

I was never really a painter, but a philosopher that loved Art, and studied intensely in painting and Excel, which gave me experience in art and logic.

My interests naturally go towards philosophy...always has.

It is the most open subject for interpretation that improved my quality of life.

For me, philosophy isn't trying to unravel the secrets of life, um nope, I just want to figure things out that work for me...it is not an academic theory but practical solutions that were tested in reality.

Theory is boring...um rather have examples and samples of a my own philosophy I created, but I never liked writing.

I just knew what I followed, which is simplicity, that can take on complexity by breaking things down to the basics.

One of the reasons why I wanted to be a writer was because I wanted to see how my mind worked, and see if I could explain it to myself.

I am a fast thinker, proven by an Excle program I built in 1 day, Philosphers Stone. I learned coding in 1 day. I think non-linerar to get to that in 24 hours instead of linear studying. I just go straight to the doing and knowing.

My program is highly functional and has practical values for programmers I think...not sure...it helped me anyway.

I never know since I never really ask for validation. I just create and move on.

Can't make this up, click on Philosphers Stone if you want to see how I did it, then Proof to see how it works, then Fastest Rider on the Plains to see how I was...um...never really helped in my learning curve...all I had was my philosophy.

I don't think one knows how good one is at something unless one does it, which I did, in a field that has lots of requirement...I just had Art education.

My philosophy carried me far with what I can do without even noticing...I got fast with figuring things out. I did that because I love challenges...PAFA was my testing ground. Grandmasters don't care and just do it their way, so I followed them after painting with Excel.

I have no idea if I am anything but a fast learner, but it seemed unusual with coding.

The grandtitle, who was the subject matter expert, a master coder, seemed to avoid asking basic questions, like how did I do it, which was very weird....almost as if he could not believe I just wrote code that fast and perfectly.

My codes worked, and he seemed to avoid them like the plague. He never bothered to tell me his thoughts.

I built up 2 projects in 2 days, that were sitting for months because...not sure...it seemed easy to me.

When I told insecure grandtitle that it was done, he ignored the most obvious question to ask, um, how did you build it so fast?

I would have said,

um it was not easy the first day, but after I built Philosphers Stone, yup it was not hard to do...the program allowed me to look at the logic aspect of coding, without having to typing code or formulas.

I automated the writing so I could focus on the figuring and logic aspect.

I hustle when I learn anything new...since the first moments are the crucial ones... I am a grandmaster of Excel. I knew I was one because I was around them at PAFA.

Once you see grandmaster, you never forget, you can see it within yourself, and bonus you believe it is possible. One painter could replicate realism and it looked like the photo. Another could created with only a few brushstrokes. All had different mastery that separated them.

Mine was lightning speed with Excel.

I reached that skill with coding in a few months by simply being curious about how to do it, and it was hilarious the reaction I got...no validation, which I didn't mind at all.

It was amusing how grandtitle danced around the issue by never asking what I asked at the Academy to get better...how did you do it?

He just wanted to see the program again..which was only a finished product.

I watched the elite painters and teachers paint and saw their process, not finished work. I tried their style for myself.

I expereienced how they did it, but I was not as technically sound. I started too late with painting, but that didn't mean I didn't try my hardest to learn. Discouragement because someone is better is the weakest one since it didn't inspire you to do better.

Grandtitle didn't even try to learn, he just kept wanting to be right, which was amusing.

"I hear and I forget. I see and I remember. I do and I understand," said Confucius.

I learned that the best way to learn is to go straight to doing without any worrying...dont't care if I fail as I keep trying until I understand.

The newer generation seem scared to do and fail in public...not sure why...but to each their own. The words seem to be what is focused, and isn't that a way to hide your worth...fake it till you make it..a pet peeve motto I will never agree with.

I only really know 3 things with Excel. Macro doesn't count since it is just recording.

Wing Chun style.

Excel is a logic excercise machine that I practiced almost every day of work, for 20 years. I use it all the time and that is how I learned coding without memorizing, which is also a pet peeve.

Memorizing causes stress when you can't remember, or make a mistake. It takes up too much storage of the brain, like constanly repeating to know is too static a way to learn for me. I don't know names of things, I just call it that thing.

Disclosure: I am not the best, nor am I the greatest...don't know, don't care...I try to be the best that I can be with Excel, and it seems to startle people just how fast I complete, without ever competing.

The grandtitle in Fastest Rider on the Plains was competing, and I just ignored the useless things in life, like trying to prove him wrong.

I focused on proving myself right with coding, and finding...um I was most certainly right. 1200 lines of code in 11 minutes, not bragging, just telling a true story of others belief in disbelief, when something uncertain happens..um...it gets amusing how they react.

Grandtitle didn't even read the lines code and just replied that it was wrong and that he was right.

20 or so lines of his code vs my 1200 lines, and I won the match like the 4 Horseman and the Apocalypse Superbowl. The Eagles dominated.

It wasn't even a close game.

How, you may ask, did I do it...finally someone asks how I did is..um...my best guess is I made thousands of excel sketches in my career, with the majority, non data related.

I got loads of experience with practical solutions. Once I applied it to data management, holy shit, I couldn't believe the speed. Neither could my peers, they never asked how, but always requested I leave the program I built when I left.

I never did since it would only make it too easy for them.

Improvement doesn't come from ease.

Ease only comfort enhances, which only leads to upgrade levels of laziness if not disciplined enough...um most are not disciplined in my experience.

I merged both my artistic style of painting and my logical style of excelling, so my writing style is unique.

Unstructured structured architecture with direct indirect colors of minimal details.

Ayn Rand is the only author I ever read that incorporated philosophy through fiction as a perfect merge.

I own only 4 books, with Fountainhead and Atlas Shrugged as the two works with same author.

That is how much I enjoy her writing, an author who wrote the most heroic classical stories I ever read. She was an idealist, who loved philosophy, and expressed it through stories that took my breath away.

Rand's verses and prose are written with clarity and artistry, rarely is there a section I get bored. To me, she is the only author who holds my attention from first to last page.

Every word she writes has a purpose, she doesn't waste words in her writing, which is the most original way to write.

She writes for herself only.

Her Truth comes through her stories with pure artistry which follows logic as her tool of focus.

Everytime I read her work, I always think, how can something like this exist? How did this ever get published?

No other author writes like her. She is truly one of a kind.

Ayn Rand had the courage to write in her own style, without compromising her self style. She just wrote what she thought was beautiful and true.

Her signature is her own, without any influence to her vision, sort of like Quentin.

When asked who influenced her, and this is a paraphrase, she would say,

"Only Aristotle. The rest was me and only me. A is A."

Rand was always proud that her writing was of her own making, with deserved pride. She is my definition of original, a true Grandmaster who I admire without shame.

I don't know why she is so polarizing, other than you know, her opinions...but her two books are amazing works.

Every line was crafted to make her Truth become crystal clear through dialogue, plot, and the most beautiful verses.

For me, she writes poetry, sustained through sheer will. The ambition and work needed to keep it together, without any boring moments, masterful.

It took a lot of work to write that way, every line was mastered. I know hard work when I see it, and hers takes the cake. She is my favorite author for that reason.

"Throughout the centuries there were men who took first steps, down new roads, armed with nothing but their own vision," said Ayn Rand.

She inspired me at 19, and no matter the differences I have with her philosophy, which is about half, she showed me that it was possible to write in pure form.

She is the most original author I have ever read. I have read Fountainhead about 10 times, and Atlas Shrugged maybe 5 times, with the speech at the end never fully read.

I can read her work without accepting all her philosphy. Her Art is too powerful to dismiss over a disagreement with her beliefs, sort of like Kanye.

My favorite quote of Rand's is, "The question isn't who is going to let me; it's who is going to stop me."

Philosophy was my favorite subject at the University. I applied my philosophy into both my Art and life.

Sakyong Mipham and Marcus Aurelius are my two other author's works I own.

Turning the Mind Into an Ally and Meditations.

This 64 page digital sketchbook is my version of Meditations.

I follow Aurelius in how he wrote his masterpiece, which was to write for oneself. The only difference is that I write on a public domain, unbothered if anyone reads it.

Imagine me as the fastest writer on the plains, writing as fast as I can, but not recklessly. I am trying to finish the story on my first pass, with the the goal of getting it right the first time.

I get bullseyes more than snake eyes because I have thousands of tries under my belt. One only get better by practicing, until it no longer feels like practice, and you just start doing.

From studying to doing is the transition that naturally happens with practice.

First attempt is the only attempt.

The edits I make don't count as attempts, just upgrades to the design of the story. Those upgrades rarely end, um still making small adjustments to White Sands.

But if the idea is better than my attempt, I try again, until it matches my vision.

Unlimited tries with only first attempts with each try, by either starting over or gutting most of the sections out.

I tried over a hundred times with White Sands, leaving only 9 sentences until it slowly started expanding to what it is now.

White Sands was written from the middle, with one simple thought about how my wife's sister must have felt at night praying, when she knew she was going to die.

I imagine that the quiet times were most likely the hardest for my wife's sister.

Especially the late nights, filled with shadows.

The stillness is where silence is felt.

The waiting can be unbearable, especially when hope seems lost.

I am sure she prayed into the empty nights when she was alone.

I am sure the emptiness made her feel even more alone.

One thing I have no doubt though, her prayers were filled with hope.

Hope is never wasted, no matter the results.

It is a gift that was brought into this world.

That was my Big Bang that created everything on this page except my Codex pages.

Those 9 sentences are a reflection of my own thoughts when my wife and daughter did something none too pleasant towards me.

No judgement on my part.

We judge ourselves, and my judgement is that I should have never given my Trust to those two. After I walked out the gates, I never did.

I decided to finish White Sands, I wanted to be a writer so I can write about everyting, including the unpleasantness that made me write those 9 lines.

White Sands taught me two very important things about how I should write afterwards.

First, start stories in the middle and expand in two different directions, the beginning and end.

I call the middle the Everything in Between, the ideal place to put my best effort since it doesn't have any continuity issues.

No stress writing if I don't have to think of outlines or even plots, just ideas that are simple to write outward towards the purpose.

White Sands was the only non-linear story I wrote. Now that is the only way I write.

The linear stories got trashed because I had to think of completeing what I started. Too boring to write that way, and I should have known since that is not how I write Excel programs...which I decided to include into my style of writing.

I merged how I painted with how I excel, which took me a while to figure out, since I never thought of creating programs to be of any value with writing stories.

After I stopped painting I filled my artistic void with creating Excel programs.

I have two styles that joined, and my third style is, um I don't care how complicated my pages are...I am the only one that reads my work.

My writing is abstract, deconstructed at first, and then put together where the pieces fit best in the many pages that have different topics and places.

"A place for everything and everything in its place," said Ben.

I am comfortable not knowing,

because I am too busy creating,

not wasting time memorizing.

I know what I am doing,

which is simply making.

The rest will figure itself out, that is how I built programs in 1 day, just did it without even planning.

The first moment is the purest moment of creation, which I learned with painting and improved with Excelling.

The greatest Artist of my generation. His music never bores me, from start to finish.

White Sands taught me two very important things about how I should write afterwards.

Second, I had to learn how to self-edit.

It took 2 years of trial and error, but I finally understood, um I had to learn humility. My confidence can be annoying to some, including myself.

I had to learn nothing I write matters unless it help the story. Editor me decides, not the Writer me, which had to learn to give up control of what was kept.

As Writer me, I wanted to keep everything. I put the effort, so it should stay was my attitude at first. But as the Reader me, who is Editor me, said, um, no.

This sucks take it out. Try again.

The Writer me, who is stubborn as h*ll, had to finally say, f**k you, you are right. I will try again, but I don't like your tone.

The two had to coexist, the Passion and Reason of my writing finally came together and made peace.

Passion was the writer, the reader was Reason.

That was the 2 year battle I had with myself, and often they didn't cooperate. It wasn't even really a battle since most of time I didn't even read my own work for the 2 years I studied.

Editor-in-Chief Operator said, its been two years, you have to start creating finished products.

It was a humbling experience.

I can be stubborn when it comes to Art, borderline arrogant.

Study time was over and I had to start completing my 64 page goal in 12 years, so I finished Maiden Moon shortly after.

I honestly believe I don't have natural talent, which is a great place to start.

I have no ego that I know anything. That doesn't mean I don't think I can do it. I just practice until I get to where I want to be, like Fastest Rider on the Plains.

I learned coding and outpaced what grandtitle knew in his many years of the role, and his education. I am sure his resume is more impressive than my Graphic Design major, with 2 years of going to an elite painting school and dropping out before I could have a show.

Who cares, match my best with your best in figuring out the code, and his answer was, you are aboslutely wrong and it can be done simply with this safe choice of 20 line code.

I always say, read and check your work and others, before being certain. I checked his work and said in the nicest way, um mine worked and yours didn't, along with 2 other codes that you told me were not possible.

I solved 2 problems granditile said couldn' be done, and when I told him it worked, he showed absolutely no interest in it.

Most likely he didn't want to look like he was too busy with making sure his Title still had the subject matter polish still in tact.

I could care less about titles, if you ask me I will explain without making you feel like it is a dumb questions. I mean, don't you want to know more...I know I would have when I had the same title as he did.

I have no ambition or ego, just certain about myself and what I can do, which is I don't know, but let me figure it out and I will tell you.

Writing was my third mountain I wanted to tackle. I climbed two already so it was not an impossible peak since mastering things is cumulitive, you can learn quickly based on what you already know.

I think all the Arts have overlapping concepts that match perfectly, still the same rules to composition and balance, which is contrasts.

No retreat, no surrender when it comes to these mountain expeditions in Art. I take these challenges seriously, with the knowledge that there will be overwhelming fails in store.

Art is the only thing that is not boring to me. I get bored easily because I figure things out quickly and lose interest. I love failing because that means, it won't be easy.

With writing, it was my most ambitous attempt, since I don't even like reading. Which made it amusing for me to try.

I was going through a rough period in my life and I had a lot to write about. I will eventually write about that. Lot to unpack with that rough period.

I just kept trying every day, unfazed that my writing was not good. Parable is a story of my attempts made, and the amount of effort I had to give.

No one believed I could be a writer, which is the best place to start.

No distractions.

I stayed focused on what I can control...can't help it if someone doesn't believe in me, it never really did until, you know, when I had to learn sometimes you have to if someone is certain about who you are.

I wanted to be a writer so I would be prepared if that ever happens again.

My progression was slow, a painstaking crawl of futility at first, with very little improvement.

It was tough.

I had to double my pace to even improve, teaching myself without any influence.

Self taught in the plainest way to describe it....I don't even ask if this is writing.

I wrote 5 hours a day,

8-12 hours on my days off work,

non- stop,

starting on the day I forgave my wife on Christmas Eve.

I forgave her so I could concentrate solely on my writing.

Prior to that, I was probably writing an average of 3 hours a day from September 2, 2022.

Once I got past the 3 hour mark, I knew then, I was going to be a writer.

I got over the hump with my determination to become and started to be.

But I still needed to improve and learn for 1 more year of trying my hardest.

Writing helped me forgive the family I lived with for 5 years.

They are still family. I will always love them, no matter what.

A lot of my writing deals with how I overcame the hardships I faced.

I didn't want to forget how I had to start over and build up my philosophy. I had to ensure that I would never have another experience like that again.

White Sands reminds me of all my failures, with all the effort needed to accomplish my first story. It also reminds of was facing my hardest Test of being my Best towards my wife and her 2 daughters.

Match my best with their best, without complaints.

I became a writer once I got past my first sample.

I finally translated my styles from paintbrush and design of Excel, to finally the pen.

My shades of blue and architect lines were found on February 10, 2025.

White Sands

Chapter 13 Bible

Both my wife's sister and Sister Laticia wrote notes inside the Bible.

They both studied.

They were testing the truth of what they wrote, out in the world beyond the Bible.

A crease in the page, a line underlined, a note made to the side, anything to show that there was something important.

Experiences are a page from our life.

The Bible and life are similar, in the sense that the effort put into studying will show in one's understanding.

The effort one makes is the reward one receives.

If one can understand the experience, the words will have meaning.

Words are a reflection of one's understanding, not the other way around.

The truth of oneself,

the beliefs one hold,

guide through life,

proven by action,

tested by repetition.

I think good teachers try to inspire, not impose.

Perhaps that was why Sister gave me her Bible when she said goodbye.

I received her gift and made a promise to myself.

I matched Sister Laticia's gesture of kindness and read the Bible from cover to cover before I left the faith.

I don't think I have failed that much in life.

I don't think of myself as a failure, even if others are certain I am.

I purposefully didn't get a job in Art after I dropped out of PAFA.

I avoided even trying to enter in that field.

I knew what would happen.

If someone asked me to change my Art because it was my job,

hmm..

I would have said,

"Nope,"

"I edit my own sh*t,"

"Sorry I have to give my 2 weeks,"

"And keep my Art as is, if you don't mind."

"I like it just the way it is."

Just because I threw away 680 paintings in my career doesn't mean I didn't love creating those pieces I forget.