Limits of Faith - VIII
- Operator
- Mar 18
- 27 min read
Updated: 1 hour ago
"Truth is often unpleasant, as often untrue as the pleasant"
Limitations
"Life has no limitations, except the ones you make."
Limitations are not obstacles but boundaries of what is possible.
Within borders are opportunities, of how far one can push the limits.
I was once given a task where updates needed to be done manually, while my co-workers had automated ease of use. 100 updates would take me 4 hours, while the same task would only take 5 minutes for my peers.
I was naturally annoyed and initially tried to find a work around.
It was not possible.
I accepted the limits before complaints gained traction.
There was no other way but to do it manually, which gave me time to add another task while I waited for the slow upload...with some creative coding while I waited.
A rhythm of creativity and dull tasks was found, like a pendulum metronome...a perfect tempo was discovered, supporting the boring and fun with motion.
After a while I was grateful for the long hours needed.
A clear mind, without complaints, made the flow of limitations become a part of the solution, not against. I went with the flow of the obstacle and found a new technique.
Time
The present time has one advantage over every other - it is our own.
With the manual uploads I just started and slowly it got done. Nothing I could do to speed it up. I accepted the pace..no point in complaining and creating misery for myself.
Complaints make problems larger than need be, creating more time complaining, while doing remains waiting, paralyzed from the dread of action.
Staring at a road that needs to be taken only allows more time to to reach Point Never.
Step ahead and get it done.
Best way to overcome doubt and complaints is a motion forward. Forward is all that is needed, instead of debate with thougths.
The most effort needed is often the first step forward. Place your best effort towards that step, with a clear mind, absent of complaints.
Time is the present, past is what was learned, and future is what our mind fills.
Future is a mirage that fools all, the step forward is a break from illusion.
Do not debate with Certainty and just move in the direction needed. Purpose will follow once you focus on the doing.
A theory of future is a waste of time since one naturally tries to control it to be so. Overreach and overcommit without the doing is a fool's errand.
Our mind creates creations of destiny, a prophecy by our certainty.
Technique
Live as if you were to die tomorrow. Learn as if you were to live forever.
Challenges break patterns of what is known, with unknown paths leading to technique solutions. Doing is the knowing, and what remains are the failures and successes.
Best investment to make is something that solves problems.
Finding techniques are the real treasures of life, which can be applied to other interfaces.
The juggling of two tasks, a swing of dull and creative metronome rhythm, was what I experienced, a technique discovered...and applied to other tasks.
Things I did not want to do, paired with something I wanted to do...increased my doing, like the Metronome.
That task was homework, which lead to other creative pages to be created. The Metronome Techinque gets things done.
No matter how certain I am, I know that doing is the knowing, not just thinking I know.
Victory
Find what you need, ignore what you want
Mistakes are meant to be overcome, not avoided or excused, or even personalized.
Just get it done and move on to the next thing.
Failure is a sign that one is not strong enough in that moment, but with each failure strength grows, moving closer to the goal.
Those that quit just means they couldn't get past inconvenience, which means they are searching for convenience...not a great goal.
Will power and Effort create perfect harmony, while failures and getting back up creates belief in Self, a tested Belief that you don't quit.
Each time one tries, confidence is built, along with learning from failures.
Overcome the embarassment of failing, even in public. Learn to not care what others think is courage that is earned when you get back up with unconcern.
No retreat, no surrender is the law of improving.
Accept failure by trying again, never leave a failure unless it can't be done, which can only be known if you made your best effort.
I learned that the hard way, which is the best way to know.
Your best will sometimes not be good enough.
Ignore the useless effort and stay focused. The balance of doing your best is knowing when it will be a waste.
Two sides of a coin that is non binary and healthy to have, best Effort or waste Effort.
Time is the most precious resource.
Desert Sun
"What makes the desert beautiful is that somewhere it hides a well."
My marriage was one my great failures I could not find a solution.
It takes two to dance and my partner was my limit that I had no control over, but I got stronger during my marriage.
All my peer husbands had the ease that I could not.
I was naturally annoyed and initially tried to find a work around. It was not possible. I accepted the limits placed, before the complaints slowed me down.
There was no other way but to work hard, which gave me time to add another task with it. I did some creativity while given an overwhelming workload. I decided to write.
I found a rhythm of creativity and dull tasks, like a pendulum metronome.
The swings of boredom and inspiration improved my personal endurance and innovation. I was grateful for the long hours of tasks because I was constanly improving, and enjoying what I did.
A clear mind, without complaints, made the flow of the limits become a part of the solution, not against.
Getting back up is the Test.
Those that get up the most wins the race of discovering who they are.
I found out I am not a quitter, tested by never giving up on the marraige.
One only gets better if they try their best and not just go through the motion of looking like they are trying.
I never had the opportunity to tell my wife my thoughts. The Sun Empress had taken over every field of discussion and I was no longer interested in having to tell her she was right.
It got boring to do after the first year.
Effort
"Strength and growth come only through continuous effort and struggle."
Simple, ease of use, is a burden for growth. It is just comfort.
Better to learn how to deal with something that is not easy and create your own tools to make it comfortable.
Making tools is the best skill to have. It can translate to any other interfaces you run into.
If one can create a custom-made tool, through technique, perception, habit, or a process, to make something that is hard become easy, that is a skill worth improving.
Creations has value if useful.
The marriage got so hard that I had to create a password Ilovemywife1! to remind myself to stay positive. I had to get creative to keep pace to her pushing the limit of what she felt entitled from a husband.
No hard feelings from me.
It was an amusing race of 7 years and she found the Rubicon in February of 23.
Life is an interface, just like anything else, one that has complications of others sharing space. Lots of challenges since there are many that have their own tools at hand, all with different styles with techniques that work for them.
I retreated without surrendering, admitting to Empress Sun her right to be right, without surrendering myself to her righteousness.
Retreat without surrendering
Nowhere can man find a quieter or more untroubled retreat than in his own soul.
Effort based on rewards, especially financial, limits where you place Effort. It becomes too transactional, and disappointment inevitably follows, since Effort made becomes less frequent.
Those motivated soley by rewards succeed in only finding new ways to remain unmotivated.
Best effort is best intention.
I created my own program of life when dealing with Empress Sun, to keep up my effort to her intentions that were not so great.
I retreated without surrendering, "You are right," and it let me move on.
Last thing I wanted was a debate with the most Certain debater of who was undefeated. The ones's she "lost" were quota losses still under win category.
Sun Empress kept two set of books, she loved to win. So I took on the role of loser without any problem. It is just a title I don't believe in.
"You win, let me go," was my technique when dealing with the Empress.
I used to tell her that I was happy and she would never accept.
It was the strangest thing. If the Sun Empress told me she was happy, I would have celebrated. She was my best friend.
Her reaction was opposite.
She just didn't believe. A conditional disbelief where I wasn't bothered while she kept testing to see if I would still remain happy.
The answer is yes, I can be happy no matter what.
A blue flower that blooms in the desert is a survivor for withstanding the harsh terrain, even if purposely placed by one that seemed to enjoy it.
One doesn't repeat unless there is some sort of enjoyment.
My wife was the Desert Sun that I didn't mind for my 7 lean years, until, 6.6.23...um she went too far on that date of note.
Tools
"I'm going to use all my tools, my God-given ability, and make the best life I can with it."
It still comes down to what tools one can create, like back in primitive days.
Modern times has tools premade…nice…but one should learn to make some tools of their own.
I learned how to make tools through Excel, used from the numerous jobs and titles, which are my Big Bang of my education. I made programs without being asked, they were just fun to make.
With new titles and roles, new courses were taken, with credit applied to my report card.
Experience is the greatest teacher.
I was never overwhelmed with having to start from the beginning because of my training in Art.
All those paintings and excels I made from scratch, I was constantly starting from the begining instead of refining low amounts of creations. I never finished them because I was going full throttle creating.
That is where new techniques are found, not from safe refining. I don't treasure finished products, never have. They just take up space.
Choose to Read
Skip the Choice
Quantity matters when creating, the more you create the easier it gets to create.
I never stopped creating, even after school. School never ended for me and I continued my studies.
Those that stop studying and think they reached the finish line is a Certainty that will now talk the talk, and just learn from saying they know.
My last course taken was coding, and I figured that out in 1 day. School never ends is a mantra I say. I love to learn without any validiation, the coding is used for an example of what tools I made..and a little braggin rights. I am only human and hardly perfect...I get to compliment myself.
Click underline.
Test of Time: Video 1 of 1200 Lines of Code in 11 minutes
Philosophers Stone: Video 2 of Code Translator
Fastest Rider on the Plains: Story of Philosophers Stone
Skip the choice
Hello, coding in 1 day..1200 lines perfectly written shortly after...give me my flowers, oh wait, gotta give them to myself. Which is absolutely necessary. To rely on the validation of others gives too much power to other, especially if they believe and encourage based on the conditions of their own motivation.
Mainpulation is real for some and just better to compliment Self and be done. Certain was predictable, she only does things when it benfits her. Her reasoning to not beleive or enourage was just as much a pattern as when she did.
I had to compliment myself during the 7 lean years because um.. not getting them from that family...they gave out quotas ...which I never accepted.
I have too much respect for myself to take pity.
I did without, and kept moving foward with my growth.
The above links are what I was improving while Sun Empress gave me monumental chores, which forced me to make faster programs that cut time by...the same weight of chores applied.
Desert Sun
Three things cannot be long hidden: the sun, the moon, and the truth.
I learned a lot from the hot Desert Sun.
Made me like camel that doesn't need encouragement or kindness, and yet still remain happy.
I have a theory of why my wife couldn't believe I was happy.
She knew what she was doing, and sadly it was intentional. She did not know was her safety net, too much of a pattern is the pattern hidden under excuses made. Timing of when she knows and doesn't was the tell, only when it benefits her does the knowing change.
"I didn't know what I was doing, you should have told me," was what she would say frequently.
I avoided telling her what I felt, since it would be debate of what she was certain and blame would follow. Always the blame...sigh...don't miss that. She created a dynamic where telling her anythign she didn't want to hear was faced with punishment...a long arguemnt that just wasted time.
Anything can be normalized through repetition, so I avoided, though doubtful Empress Sun could have changed me that way..but why take the chance...I had a lot on my plate.
There is always a breaking point.
The Empress must have kept asking, how can you be so happy after the way I treat you?
My answer is, "I love you, doesn't mean I have to believe what you say or think of me."
"I am my own person, as you are your own. Match my best with your best and you faced a belief unmatched."
"If I never believed in a Faith, what would make you think I would believe what you thought was something you felt I had to believe? I just told you that you were right because that was what you imposed."
"I go with the flow, retreat without surrendering. I couldn't help it if you thought I was a loser, I never thought that about you..never will even after you called me that. All is forgiven, I can endure anything you say or do."
The Truth is often unpleasant, as often untrue as the pleasant.
It is impossible to keep me down for long. I get back up, dust myself off, and move on.
I know what they did and it doesn't matter. I learned and moved on with the lessons taught.
The limits of faith is that one can takes it for granted if not tested and studied, and practiced.
They lost their faith in me, without ever doing the one thing that needs to be kept with faith, keep your word.
I kept my faith by trying my best to keep my word, no matter what.
My faith was unbroken, my faith in Self remained.
I know who I am now when faced with the faithless in me.
It was an experience I won't have again for long.
I learned to Trust better, one and done, and move on. It wastes time.
When you know, you know.
I can start over without any problem whatsoever, that is what I have been practicing all my life.
Learning to learn is the best learning to learn.
Creation
The triumph of life is expressed by creation.
Each creation started with a blank piece of paper at first, canvas later, sheet1 next, and then finally back to a blank piece of paper with pen.
I returned once again with all my techniques learned with writing
Excel programs taught me the most, which I learned out of necessity.
I didn't learn from theory or concept. My growth came from practicing practicality and making sure to correct before I forget.
My logic was being exercised, and I excelled with my logic.
I kept learning and pushing the limits of what Excel could do.
I found that the harder the obstacle, the more I had to work for the solution, which matched my growth in learning.
The two are symbiotic and feed off one another.
After a while I was drawn to enormous challenges, like write code without even studying.
I am also an idiot in some ways with Excel. I have blind spots and don't know many formulas. I just use 3 mostly, looking up what is needed under double G double O rhythm searches.
When I had to take an Excel test for my second job with data, I failed.
The environment was an unfamiliar sandbox, and it didn't behave like the practical world.
That small change made me forget how to write vlookups.
I asked to take the test again, and I passed after I memorized writing something I do without ever thinking. I explained this to the recruiter and she laughed. She said most use the Tutorial Wizard.
I knew then, I was returning to a field where I was unusual. I never used presets and write the formulas long form.
I write out the code by hand and it showed when I got started with a data job, after 20 years using Excel in other fields.
I realized within the first 6 months I was a a renaissance artist, who could create programs that exceeded the limits placed of how long it took to complete.
I wrote classically with my logic and my peers could not keep up.
They never asked how I created the programs, which would have been my first questions I would have asked.
I love meeting artists that do things their own way.
In the business world, that wasn't the case.
They seemed afraid to ask, which is natural I guess.
I went to an elite school of Art and all we did was ask one another how did you do that? Constantly. We learned from one another, an idealistic community of artists searching for their best within themselves.
I stayed an idealist, and getting back up from a cynical world is my most often dusting off.
Marriage
"I do not think you can name many great inventions that have been made by married men"
Once I saw the gap of skill I had with my peers I applied my techniques in life.
I didn't realize that I was able to master Time so well, but it made sense. I was juggling chores for my family without even noticing.
They asked a lot of me, and I kept matching my best with their best of asks.
It was fun and I gained endurance with what I could do with limited Time I had to myself.
I found Art in the work and responsiblities my family continued to need. I didn't mind because I hadn't found my limit with this arrangement.
I was content until my wife found the ask I would not give.
She was shocked. Not sure why, um...it was excessive what she expected.
She finally found the Rubicon line of what I was unwilling to let her cross.
The ask was too much
Eternal Blue Sky
Blue Comfort
I don't give my beliefs away.
I know myself and I know what is best for me.
I don't give ground when something is important to me, and it always shocks those that see my steel resolve.
That is me. That is who I am.
I rarely have to show that side because I am easy going.
I usually don't care enough to disagree.
Don't know, don't care is my attitude towards life.
I don't get that worked up.
It makes my life simple, and I try my best to follow these three rules.
Do not complain.
Do what is asked.
Do your Best.
But not for everything.
Some asks will be denied, without any concern of compromise.
Julius
"I came,, I saw, I conquered"
I found my limit after the week my wife and two daughters, along with her entire family, went to Jamiaica for an all inclusive, with credit cards used in my name, and would add to my 125k debt, which I later filed for bankruptcy that year.
sheesh I know..my PTO with this family was minimal, benefits were nil. Poor management, a negative score to the family business bureau...but still love them. They most likely never saw me as family is my best guess...don't know, but do care..they are still family.
My wife pushed her limit to the max that week.
I didn't mind, the more work I was given, the more I had to push my best to maintain the ask.
I learned to juggle chores and it was fun.
During that week she was away, I had to babysit her two grandsons, drop off her mother at the airport, and work 3 jobs, about 100 hours worth of work that week.
I found my limit after this, not during.
I didn’t mind this workload one bit, though I asked before my wife left, "Can I have some support with picking up the kids."
She told me nope, you gotta do it all by yourself.
I accepted and did my best with the support not given.
This was the limit of my marriage, no support, which I enjoyed learning what I could do without.
I find this story amusing because it explains why I can work so hard. I forgot I did all this until I started writing on this page.
Marriage made me grow from the limits of their lack of help, and I had the endurance of a workhorse. In comparison to their growth is, which is I don't know.
Comparing is the first rule to complaints. Don't. Compare only in the interactions, actions, and words said to see the contrasts. It is the contrasts that reveal the truth.
School never ends, you take the courses given in life. My course was next level shit lol.
I got to take care of her grandkids for 1 week.
I took them out to eat, grocery shopping to pick out snacks they wanted, and gave them each a different space to be their own.
I set aside a comfortable spot for the youngest to watch his videos on my tablet, 12 little monkeys was his fave, and a PS4 for the oldest to play his games, Miles Morales was his jam at the time.
I set up a desk with the games so he could feel what it was like to have his own room of sorts. I still made sure to watch him in case he needed something.
I bought posters and hung them up to make it feel like his own. I think Sonic and Poppy Playtime I think. I created an environment where they felt that I cared for them to the best of my abilities.
My wife's family and I lived in a 3 bedroom apartment with myself, my wife, her two adult daughters, and 2 grandsons.
There was never any privacy, and this was an opportunity to have the kids feel space of their own. They were well behaved and happy that week. No tantrums out of them and lots of thank yous.
We watched movies with popcorn, and I set up a fort underneath the table to do as they please. They went to bed without any issues and it was no problem to watch over while I worked my 100 hours worth of work.
It was the most memorable time I had, and my fondest with my family of 6, that would later treat me...unfamily like is the best way to put it.
The youngest grandson, who had health issues, was provided water without having to ask.
He always said thank you whenever I gave him water after it was empty.
I asked him if he was thirsty once, because he seemed to be drinking a lot more than what I usually saw.
The youngest simply nodded, and said, "All the time."
From that moment, during the week, I made sure his cup was filled, no matter what, with two set aside.
I raised them how I thought was best, which was to make sure they didn't have to beg for things.
I gave things before they had to ask. I didn't ask for them to tell me since an ask that is ignored or not followed through will increase the chances of never asking, like I did with my wife.
My absence of asking things from her was 5 years of being told no or excused made. The breakdown in communication was on purpose. She was right with whatever topic discussed.
It would have led to an arguement of how ungrateful I was to even ask such a thing. It was easier to do things on my own without any help. Help would have caused more work for me with complaints towards my way and time wasted with an arguement.
My marraige was a lot like Cinderalla, and the missing asks you see from me, who definitely needed some help with the finaicial side...was intentional, it had to be. the pattern of not helping, unless it benefitted her. Even if it beenfitted her, it still is not enough. Interesting to see.
Cleopatra knew what she was doing and I applaud her style, I adjusted with never asking. Made me a better adam. Whateve style she used is fair game...excet the June 6 play...that was not funny.
Fair play was crossed and I moved on.
I managed all my duties given by the Sun Empress with the Excel programs I built, to keep up with 100 hours worth of work, and prioritized taking care of those boys.
That week was my greatest help I could provide to my liege and her two daughters, who stopped saying thank you or being grateful.
My role in the family was a servant to their needs and wants. I didn't mind since I was growing more into my own, always making sure to keep doing my best.
I matched my best with her best.
That is how I could keep up the workload that was asked. I got better at working by not being slowed down by comparing what the other Cinderalla characters were doing.
I helped them whenever asked, without excuses or ask in return., proven in Metronome, and also see the results of their reply through context.
Because this family so certain, I rarely gave them my thoughts, except to the Titled "Eli," my wife's grandson, who I tried to impart what I knew.
"Do your best, no matter what. Don't let anyone hold you back from trying your best. Don't worry if you look foolish, just do it and you will see. You will find that you love the Effort."
I hope someday he remember what I tried to teach him in between teaching his ABCs. I took on that task because it was not getting done and I didn't want him to fall back, along with my hours of work and chores.
The asks were often from lack of asking and just leaving alone for a dodo like me to just do.
My wife and I just had different meaning of what best meant, which was the reason I separated from her, without any passion or animosity.
I was tired and there was no break in sight with her.
No judgement.
She asked a lot out of me without helping me unless I begged for help, like the youngest had to do.
My wife and I were oppositesin almost everything, which helped each other grow into our own.
Rubicon
"Change will not come if we wait for some other person or some other time."
When my wife returned with a tan, I picked them up from the airport, she was silent on the car ride back.
I knew something was bothering her. I had no idea what that could be, but I knew an arguement was about to ensue.
Body language reveals more than words is what I learned. Read people from their actions and then let words support the read.
Don't read only by words, that would be foolish.
Apprearance are meant to deceive, first impressions especially.
People tell the truth of the moment too often, you want to make judgement on the whole of the person, and actions reveal effort.
Judging by effort is a better litmus test on the sincerity of a person. Sincerity is consistent.
My wife taught me, like a magician that reveals the tricks, of the art of mimicing sincerity.
Her favorite mottos was fake it till you make it, and don't do your best unless it benefits you.
I learned to read insincerity. I lived with her and I can read the tells without even trying anymore.
Once you experience something, it can't be unlearned.
When we returned, she shut the door and went into a rage.
She demanded to know why I did not contact her enough and she was embarassed that I was not attentive.
Appearances was what she angry about. It amused me when she went through her theatrics, not sure the intent..hmmm to make me feel..not sure the reasoning...to apologize for helping her..I got used to this and just listened. She didn't even thank me for the help given.
I calmly explained that I had a lot to do, including making sure her mother got to the airport on time, drop off the youngest at daycare, walk the oldest to be picked up by the bus, work 3 jobs, pick up the youngest from daycare and and take care of them when home for a whole week.
Didn't have much time to talk.
My wife would not listen and just told me that I was not a good husband and I embarassed her.
I didn't say anything and went back to work.
I was unfazed. I didn't mind at all. I was used to it without changing my mood.
Words only have power if you believe. I stopped believing her since it would make me a more pliable servant...with her grandmaster role of..master. Amusing to see it from this perspective, but it explains a lot of her signature she signed, of owning my name and title given.
I just went back to work. I still had lot of work to do with the 3 jobs.
It was only the next day that the Sun Empress apologized and said, "I didn't know you were so overworked, you should have told me."
That was the moment I decided to leave her.
I did not find this amusing.
My wife passed the Rubicon.
A wife does not ask her husband to beg.
She broke her wedding vows many times before, but this was the ask that I could not afford to see as a break of her Word given.
I was unwilling to make this the norm.
I had my belief I hold of Self, and this would break my belief in who I am.
The Sun Empress was asking me to be a beggar, not a husband.
She should have known better to ask that as a wife who did not help.
The ask was too great, the shame of that ask should have made her silent, but it didn't.
She continued with her speech of her cetainty of what was right for me.
Some asks will be denied, without any concern of compromise.
This was the ask that I refused.
It was obvious Empress Sun had no intention of trying in the marraige. She wanted me to suffer, and still does to this day.
Cleopatra
"I will not be triumphed over".
I had seen a therapist that my wife scheduled, as promised to give the marraige a chance. I saw this licensed therapist twice.
It would be under my wife's health plan from Feb 13, 2023 to June 6, 2023.
I kept my promise for an odd request.
I was not unhappy or stressed, just had a lot on my plate.
When I saw this certified thereapist via video, when asked if I was stressed or unhappy, I replied, "I am not. I am happy and relaxed."
Immediately after, I got a text from my wife. She gave a list of things she demanded I say.
I laughed and told the therapist that my wife is giving me reasons why I am stressed and unhappy.
The therapist and I both laughed. The session ended shortly after since there was nothing to talk about.
After the call ended my wife went into a rage and started berating me. She told me I wasn't taking the therapy seriously. I told her I was happy and not stressed. She told me I was not, and that I was stressed.
I had never met someone so certain of stress in others, when she could not see for herself, she was stressed. Perhaps it was because she was the only one that knew how deep in debt we were.
I never had access to those accounts until after 6/6/23. Who knows, I don't like to impose my certainty on someone's mental state like she seemed to need to and did.
Her previousl relationships with men, she all titled them crazy, perhaps so anything they said about her would be negated, who knows...just what she told me.
My wife needed this diagnosis for some odd reason. It might be because the document she signed will look questionable since on June 4 she did the same things again, and my reply was a clear picture of the physical abuse that was allowed and escalated.
2 days later, she signed the title. 3 occurences of her certainty. Three shows a a pattern, no?.
On June 6th I saw my wife do something that made me speak up to ensure that it was not normalized. I did my best to make sure he felt cared for, as I showed when I babysat him.
If I remained though, I could not protect myself.
It was an unhappy family to live with and I would have told the therapist this if I felt it would have changed anything.
Image was one of reward she will do her best and focused their techinques enhancing. My wife is very charming and personable when it benefits her.
Truth is found within the pattern, not just one moment or one story.
The irony of all this is I tried to tell my best friend, my wife, that I would speak the Truth.
She ignored it and felt that the safety of the title she gave would be able to discount anything I said.
I don't know why she dislikes me so, but it is obvious she does.
Perhaps it was because I remained happy and she didn't, and a part of her wants to see me break...never sure. It is odd I always thought, just how much she disliked me, yet refused to let me go.
Even as early as the first few months we dated, I have been trying to separate from her.
Her rage and invading space just kept getting worse until she was the subject matter expert on who I was in regards to what I was thinking.
My wife scheduled another appointment, with the same therapist. She made sure to sit next to me and see what I would say...um gonna say the same thing.
I wondered, Why are we doing this again?
When the second session started, the therapist asked again if I was stessed or unhappy.
I replied with the same answer, amused we had to do this dance again, "No, I am relaxed and happy."
My wife immediately went in and started her list of reasons of why she thought I was stressed and unhappy.
The certified therapist immediately stopped her and said, "I think you are tansferring your anxiety on your husband."
My wife did not know what to say and the session ended after that.
The licensed therapist could corroborate, and she is the only therapist seen twice under my wife's plan between the dates of Feb 23 to Jun 23.
The nice female therapist would remember me and recall the odd behaviour of my wife.
I am Asian. My wife is not. We were a memorable married couple.
We had money problems, and the cost of getting some sort of diagnosis documented seemed odd to me, but I was just doing my best to keep my word.
My wife was no longer interested in the marriage or making it work, she seemed intent on this diagnosis for reasons unknown.
June was the month that I left for good, and its a story I have never heard my wife tell.
I will not say much what I experienced, except to say, it was hard to see my wife's best become what it became.
Spartan Law
“No retreat, no surrender; that is Spartan law.
My wife and I were not perfect, as all marriages are. But I learned after the first 6 months with our battles, that I did not have to surrender.
I have never met a more certain person in my life. I saw this first hand and changed tactics with these skirmishes of territory of who was right.
I started saying, "You are right." and left it at that.
I told her what she needed to hear, which was that she was right. If not, the fights would have escalated, which she had a tendency to do.
As the marriage lasted through the years, I didn't say much on topics she established she was right, including finances or any other things she wanted to take ownership of.
She found me boring and would later call me a loser, which I didn't mind.
Words have power only if one believes. I didn't believe that about myself.
I was boring because the topics became limited to only what she allowed as open topics where it didn't benefit her. I talked a lot of philosophy.
The part of me that wished to have a marraige, where moments were shared as partners, were gone even before the marriage started.
I had tried multiple times to leave her, with each time she would escalate with invading my space, and destroying my things.
She said once, "If you think you can leave me you have no idea what I can do."
I believed her, and I never fought with her because I knew I would change. the more you do something, the more it becomes a part of you, and fighting her way was not my thing.
She had a rage that was not bound by reason. She only wanted to be right and own things she felt was her right.
I married her because she would never let me go, so I went with the flow.
I love a challenge and it was the best education. I learned who I am from an opposite, and we both became more of who we are.
I forgot a lot of the marriage because I only remember the important lessons Iearned.
My wife misread my, "You are right," and thought I blindly believe everything she told me.
Like reading reasons why I was stressed from a text after I said I was happy....that was abnormal, right?
What reason she would give would be humorous, since she could say she was a concerned wife, which the Metronome shows she was anything but.
To each their own is what I say, all I know is giving trust to her is not an option, I stay away from her like the plague.
Those that lie in trivial matters should not be trusted for important ones.
Too many patterns of saying she doesn't know, is a pattern of not wanting to know, especially if it concerns her image.
Those that make intentional mistakes on purpose, eventually forget how to make correct ones with purpose. Her purpose...can't say...just learned insincerity doesn't need a purpose.
Those that disregard truth can only mimic sincerity.
III Test of Trust
"Judge only in others if they are Trustworthy"
Codex of Trust
Learn to Trust Oneself by being Trustworthy to Others.
"Always Trust Conditionally"
Some learn Trust by being untrustworthy to Oneself and Others.
Moon Maiden
Trust
